Today’s needull is a humorous take on the hundreds weight loss stories that float on the net.
I’ve found winter is the hardest time for me to keep off the weight that determines my entire self-worth. Luckily, these masked mammals have that figured out too — just completely shut your body down! From first frost to the early spring rains, my alley dwelling neighbors and I cease all physical exertion and consume only enough to keep our hearts pumping blood through our bodies — which are an ideal 15-20% smaller than the males of our species. The raccoons do this because frost prohibits them from effectively finding food. I do it because society has made me loathe my natural body shape. Same-same!
Cait Bladt — McSweeney’s Internet Tendency