WHY I AM RESIGNING FROM MY TECHNOLOGY COMPANY AND KEEPING ALL THE MONEY


Funny!

When I first got hired to work as DMM at Zikkler, I did so with two simple goals in mind: to make the world a better place and to purchase a house near Lake Tahoe that was bigger than my brother-in-law’s. I have definitely accomplished the second goal, as you can see from the many photos I passed out comparing the two homes from multiple different angles. However, it is time to admit that I have not accomplished the first.

This job simply turned into something I did not expect, starting with my title. I was under the impression that I would be the Digital Media Mastermind, but after about two weeks, I learned that DMM actually stood for Data Monetization Manager. I probably should have figured out what it stood for before I accepted the job, but my contract just had so many zeroes in it, making it hard to focus on the details.

The complete article

Eddie Small — McSweeney’s

How Trump’s Hair Works


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One of the great mysteries of our time.

2. “All ends are drawn up to meet in the center…

What we know: The problem with this alleged procedure was that it left that “contained island” of bare scalp, which still called for a comb-over. According to Wolff’s theory, Donald would gather up the fringe surrounding his bald spot, as if he was going to put it in a high pony.

The complete article

David Swanson — The Village Voice

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I LOST TEN POUNDS AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EAT OUT OF THIS DUMPSTER LIKE A RACCOON!


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Today’s needull is a humorous take on the hundreds weight loss stories that float on the net.

I’ve found winter is the hardest time for me to keep off the weight that determines my entire self-worth. Luckily, these masked mammals have that figured out too — just completely shut your body down! From first frost to the early spring rains, my alley dwelling neighbors and I cease all physical exertion and consume only enough to keep our hearts pumping blood through our bodies — which are an ideal 15-20% smaller than the males of our species. The raccoons do this because frost prohibits them from effectively finding food. I do it because society has made me loathe my natural body shape. Same-same!

The complete article

Cait Bladt — McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

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